How kindness is a weakness.
That there is no love without pain.
And that as soon as life is going great, it turns around and says ‘hang on a minute’ and screws you over.
I’m not going to express my utter
disgust and hate for men but instead, concentrate on myself and where I think I
have gone wrong and how to bring myself back.
I seem to attract the ‘issue’ types.
But could it possibly mean the issue lies deep within myself?In the past the 3 years I have so come so far and life hit me so hard that I down spiralled into a very dark place, yet you get the realisation that no one else makes your life except yourself. So there I was, picked myself up, got my sh*t together and decided to make a concerted effort to turn my dark place into a bearable, border lining a happy place.
And here I am, almost there. I even
decided that I wouldn’t compare anyone to him and I didn’t. I decided it was
time to give someone else a chance, yet no matter what type of guy I go for –
it's the same crap over and over. I even stopped going for the good looking ones.
I don’t understand how I keep on making the same mistakes when it comes to men.
I’m so use to the pain from all
aspects of life. It’s starting to feel like home. And hey! It’s better to feel
pain than nothing at all right?
However, regardless of this I have
also learned that no one else can make your life except yourself! YOU have to
get up and make a difference – and that’s what I have decided to do. I’ve
decided to go a little drastic (I somehow feel compelled to do this, because
nothing else makes sense, and nothing else seems to hold enough happiness for
me – not even here). So…I’m leaving South Africa – for good. I don’t think
majoring as a beach bum is the worst profession in the world right? Of course
not.
I’m so excited (who wouldn’t – the Caribbean
would make anyone happy), but also, I can’t help but feel this is where my life
is meant to be. My time here is done, and for all the people I love here, I hope
I have been what you needed me to, and done everything that you expected with
the utmost satisfaction.
For the people I have hurt – I am
sorry. It was never my intention, and maybe one day I can make it up to you. 