I know what
I should do, doesn’t mean I want to do it.
I know I
should forget this guy.I know I should tell him the truth about me leaving.
I know that if I pursue this it will just end up in tears.
I know I should walk away before it gets complicated.
However I also know that he makes me smile.
I know he has a good heart.
I know its early days but sometimes he gives me that longing look.
I know when he kisses me, he means it.
And I know that there could possibly be more, but my life isn’t here anymore.
Yes, I
know, there are so many possibilities.
My friends
keep on telling me to take a chance.Maybe he follows you there.
But what if he doesn’t?
What if he’s a user?
What if he’s just a player like the rest of them?
What if he hurts me and I wasted my time? The only time I have left here in JHB.
But then again, as my friends so nicely point out, what if he makes you happy?
What if he isn’t a player?
What if he goes to the end of the world to do anything for you?
Sigh. Yes,
it sounds magical. And watching him, I sometimes find myself getting so lost in
how he carries himself, how he laughs, how he looks at me. But to be completely
honest (and realistic), life isn’t so nice. I’ve had too many nightmares to
believe that such a big WHAT IF could materialise.
Regardless
of my dilemma, my inner goddess has that little bit faith left, for the both of
us, and is screaming to give this a chance. Screaming that it’s better to live
with heartache than a ‘I wonder what would have happened, had I given it a
chance – but I’ll never know.’ And yes, I would rather experience life than
live with what ifs. There’s just too many.
And on the
contrary, I promised myself no man would define my decision of going, okay so
I’m still leaving, but why oh why do I feel so compelled to this guy? I
knew this would happen. Murphy’s law.
Part of me
is keeping my distance, the other is texting him randomly. Selfish me wants to
enjoy the time that I have here with him and not say anything, but my conscious
reminds me it’s not fair on him. Then again it could fizzle out before I leave
anyway…
GRRRRRRRR!!!!
I know what
I should do, but it doesn’t mean I want to do it. Because maybe just maybe everything works out the way I want it to...
What would
you do?
